Getting to Yes

I've just finished a much-recommended book, Getting to Yes, by Roger Fisher, William Ury, and Bruce Patton of the Harvard Negotiation Project. It turns out to be as good as expected, which is fantastic, since expectations were suitably high. I've previously read Difficult Conversations, another HNP book, and found it similarly valuable.

For those that haven't read the book, it lays out a method of what they call "principled negotiation." This is an alternative to the classic "positional negotiation" that's little more than starting at two extremes and haggling to some center point with little regard for what makes sense. They also point out that positional negotiation can also be less adverserial, although possibly just as destructive, when one or both negotiators are falling over each other to make concessions in the interests of protecting the relationship, such as when a boyfriend "gives in" to his girlfriend, despite what he really wants.

The authors cover four basic aspects to the method then relate how to use the method even if others in the negotiation aren't. As with Difficult Conversations, they include plenty of examples and one of the impressive aspects is that those examples range from a husband and a wife figuring out a floor plan for a custom home to the Camp David Accords.

Like many of the best books in the self-improvement and business categories, much of what's in the book will be familiar. ("I suggest that the only books that influence us are those for which we are ready, and which have gone a little further down our particular path than we have gone ourselves." - E M Forster)

We've all negotiated with others many, many times and had varying levels of success. The successful negotiations often included inadvertent or instinctive reliance on some aspects of these methods. But the complete method described in Getting to Yes brings it all together, explaining why some negotiations have failed and how others could have gone better.

In just the last few days, I've already had several opportunities to start practicing the techniques from figuring out what to have for dinner to improving the possibilities for two deals that my company is seeking to make with other companies - one as a vendor, one as a customer. As such, I can't help but pile on the bandwagon and recommend this book as what ought to be required reading. If you haven't read it, you need to, and not just for work. If you have kids, you need to get them to read it, too, as I think it will be one of those things that prepares them for adulthood more than anything they will learn in school.