A Volatile Life

Last night, Adam and I were talking about some stuff that's going in my life, and he described my life as highly volatile. After my initial protest against such a term, another ten minutes or so of discussion had me admitting that, yes, he's right. While a little less volatility would be nice, I don't think I really want to change that.

By volatile, he meant that I tend towards activities that have greater risks, more change, but greater opportunity for reward, as well. It's kind of a, "Bet big, win big" point of view. I do try to mitigate risk and I've become much better at mitigating risk over time, but I'm also much less risk-averse than he is, or perhaps than most people are.

This discussion is a direct result of my recent and abrupt departure from Columbia Books. I can't really go into details here yet, as there are now lawyers involved, but that further illustrates the volatility point.

As an aside, I haven't posted much over the last several months because I've been very busy in my role of President and many of the things I was thinking about involved staff or other internal-only work that I could really discuss. In fact, I found that the work was about all I'd spent any significant time thinking about. Certainly the last ten days or so have had some elements of thinking about much wider subjects.

I'd taken a trip to Seattle with a side trip to Victoria, in Canada, just a couple of weeks ago. Partly because of the expense of travel for a lot of people and partly because I'm the only one that was interested in such a thing at the moment, I made this trip without Olympia and the kids. It seems I need to do that sometimes anyway because I need introspection time. It's very hard to introspect when you are in a house full of people.

As it stood, I didn't really get the usual amount of introspection time I might otherwise have had because I spent most of my time visiting with friends and family. That's also incredibly valuable, but different. What introspection I had time to do had revealed to me that I was actually working too hard and was ignoring too many other things I care about doing. I'd decided to change that when I came back, then a week later I wasn't working there anymore. Not quite what I had in mind, but I suppose it works.

What I'd had in mind was to do more hiking or other exercise, take up my guitar lessons again, get actively involved in Gregory's Cub Scouting, and spend some of the time I was spending in the evenings and on weekends working on Columbia Books stuff on some of the small projects that interest me, too, like developing a new edition of my WarEngine miniature gaming system. I'm starting to do those things, although there is a little short-term distraction as I figure out what form my future income will take. I've read a lot of articles by Steve Pavlina, and I think "a job" is out of the question. I may have to take employment with a company I don't own for shorter-term financial reasons, but if I do, there will have to be some form of profit-sharing involved, because a straight salary just doesn't cut it.

There's a lot to think about, but in a volatile life, there always is. I think that's one of the things I like about it.

Agreeing to Stupid Things

Buck just left the office, headed to pick up a directory that's being returned to us by a customer that doesn't want it. They asked if someone could pick it up, probably just to save themselves the shipping cost to return it, and since it was over on Capitol Hill, near Buck's home, he agreed. Of course, just two minutes later, he realized that was not a very cost-effective way to handle the problem. Telling them to throw it away (or better, keep it with our compliments) would have been better. But Buck said that since he agreed to go pick it up he feels obligated to do so.

Sometimes we agree to do stupid things. Following through anyway is what shows character.

Should I Keep My Blockbuster Subscription?

I've decided to write down the thought process behind an example of questioning assumptions. I may do more, but since this is the first time, I figured I'd start with an easy one for the first. I have an account with Blockbuster Video for the mailed service, similar to NetFlix, where I pay a flat monthly rate and have up to three movies out for as long as I want.

Lately, as long as I want has been something along the line of "ages." I asked for "Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas" over a month ago and it's been sitting there ever since. I'd decided I wanted to have watched all the top 25 movies from IMDB's Top 250, so I have "Rear Window" and "Vertigo" sitting there now, too, both for almost two weeks.

I believe I pay $14.95/month for the service. If I rented movies only when I wanted to really watch one that night, that'd be about three per month, so the rate that I'm watching them seems to be about the same at best. I don't have to go to the store to get them, but that's only a small inconvenience as there's a Blockbuster store directly across from the Dunkin' Donuts where Olympia sometimes likes to get a donut and coffee. Picking a movie while she gets her stuff is no big deal. I've also noticed that there's a new Blockbuster that's opened up a little closer to my house, so even going to that one isn't necessary.

Getting the movies by mail has a down side in that the movies that have arrived may not be the ones I want to watch when they are there. Like right now, if I were to pick a movie to watch tonight and I didn't want it to be something I'll end up watching alone ("Fear and Loathing") or a Hitchcock thriller (the other two) then I'd probably just not bother or end up renting something at the store anyway. I know I've returned movies unwatched because of this.

I just remembered that the mail-order subscription does include two in-store rentals monthly to attack just that last problem. However, I think I've used that only twice in the last year or so I've had this service. It's kind of an extra barrier to a rental to remember to print out coupons before heading to the store. I could fix that by putting it on my calendar to print them on the 1st of each month and keeping the coupons in the car, but I'm generally loath to add additional recurring tasks to my calendar.

The biggest factor I can think of at the moment is that last year I bought quite a few TV show seasons on DVDs. Those are a great deal, I think, because they often work out to about $2/episode or so and if I don't want to keep the season after I've watched it, I could always sell it on eBay and get some or even most of my money back, especially since I picked up many of them with discounts. I have 3 seasons of "X-Files", two of "24", one of "Alias", and several others I still haven't watched. I could probably just stick to those (and maybe a few new ones I don't have yet) for months without ever renting anything.

Finally, I wonder if I don't spend too much time watching stuff like movies and TV DVDs anyway. There are many other things I could do with my time that I'm not doing and sometimes I'm not totally comfortable spending so much of my time in this way.

So, after laying all this out, it seems like a mail-order Blockbuster subscription is not the right idea for me at this time. I will cancel the account today. That's the first result of my questioning assumptions, and I feel confident in the decision. I'm glad I picked a relatively easy one, because now I'm much more excited about the next.

Questioning Assumptions

A big part of my role at Columbia Books, especially during these early days (it's so hard to believe I only started 11 weeks ago!) has been to question assumptions. These have been big things, like whether or not we should continue elements of our existing product line or whether we really need to be located in DC, and little things, like whether we have the right phone service or need to have a stamp machine. It's exciting stuff and whether I look at the assumptions and decide that a particular one is good and leave things at the status quo or decide it's bad and initiate a change, the result produces confidence that we're doing the right thing.

An example: We have a Pitney Bowes stamp machine, but around the time I started, it had broken down. It was brought to my attention as something that we needed to fix, but by questioning the assumption as to whether we needed such a machine and the associated costs, I decided to let it sit for awhile. After a month of the machine sitting there broken and with not one complaint, it seemed likely we didn't really need it. We had a big mailing that we did for renewals on one of our products around then and prepared it with stamps and the help of my daughter, Katerina, and Debra's daughter, Natalie. We only do three or four of those a year. I've cancelled the contract and we're returning the machine, saving the company a small but significant amount of money.

This questioning of assumptions and the accompanying review of a given status quo is something I've always done regularly in my work. The decisions I make today will be questioned again, by me or whoever might be delegated responsibility for the subject matter, at appropriate intervals, whether months or years.

In my personal life, though, I'm not sure I've done enough of this. Obviously, I must have done some questioning, since I've moved from small business to big business and back again, as one of the larger examples. But when I think about other assumptions I have, I realize there are many that have gone unquestioned. For example:

• Do I care about whether I own or rent?
• What time should I go to sleep?
• When should I get up?
• Do I have the right hobbies, too many hobbies, too few?
• Should I really have a television or an Xbox?
• Is my car worth the payments?
• Should I plan my future more? How about less?

Those are just a few I've thought of off the top of my head, but I think the entire list is very, very long. As I write this, I'm considering doing a 30-day trial of questioning one personal assumption each day. It seems like a lot, but if it produces a bunch of worthwhile changes or even just confidence in the way I conduct my life, it would be worth it.

Thinking Hourly

One of the things I find the most frustrating in a work environment is when people are paid a salary, yet think hourly. "Thinking hourly" results in work schedules that have all kinds of contortions in them, like short lunches, early arrival, early departure, time out of the office, and the largely ineffective "work from home."

I personally prefer people take normal lunch hours, for example, and take at least some of their lunches with coworkers, especially coworkers that don't do the exact same job. That's the kind of thing that can spark new ideas, new enthusiasm, awareness of a bigger picture, and so on. People thinking hourly often shorten their lunch hour to a lunch half-hour or even less, then eat at their desk, all in an effort to thereafter leave early.

Of course, not everyone cares about their job enough to want to minimize their actual hours. Plenty of people only go to work to get the check and get out. I happen to not be one of those - I love my job and it's an important part of my life. I respect the point of view of those where it's not that way.

The real kicker, though, is when bonus time comes and the hourly thinker is surprised or angry that he doesn't get one. Hourly thinking also results in a clear exchange of labor for money. A person very careful to only give the exact amount of arranged labor should only receive the exact amount of arranged pay. Bonuses should be in recognition of something more from the employee.

I wonder how many people approach their jobs with hourly thinking and how many don't.

Riding the Whirlwind

Life's been keeping me very busy lately. For example, I've quit Microsoft as of last week. I have a new job in the Washington, DC area that I will get into in more detail in a week or so once the decision to hire me has been properly announced there.

At the moment, I'm in Alaska visiting my parents and my grandmother for a few days before I move significantly further away. I get back to Seattle on Wednesday and will be moved out of my apartment by Friday. Then, I'm going to drive to the east coast over a period of about three weeks, taking time to visit some friends and see some sights along the way. Blogging should be way up during that time.

Honestly, some mornings I wake up and I'm not sure quite where I am, what time it is, or even what day it is. Things have been moving so quickly they've been kind of a blur. But generally, it's all moving in a positive direction, so for now, I'm just going to hang on and see where it all goes.

Pleasant Surprise

My first meeting at work was a one-on-one with Chris. (For those that don't know, that's time where you and your manager, or in this case my "skip-level manager," get together to talk about things like career. With Michael, I meet weekly.) We have one scheduled for a half-hour every three months. That's two whole hours a year! Hmm. Sounds a little light, now that I mention it.

Anyway, Chris was a few minutes late and I was thinking that's kind of, well, lame, considering that we only get two hours a year and five minutes is just over 4% of that time. Yes, I actually did the math in my head while I waited in the hallway, which is why I didn't see his email saying he'd be late.

Then he shows up, we sit down in his office, and he says, "Hey, have you had breakfast? How about we go to the diner, 'cause I'm really hungry." He drove, we stopped at a bank so he could get cash, then we had breakfast. He paid for mine and took the time to talk through the biggest issue I face these days in my current job. The half-hour ended up being a catered hour-and-a-half. So my attribution of "lame" was completely misplaced. What a pleasant surprise. Seriously.

What I've really learned is that I need to make sure not to do that kind of attribution or pre-judgment in the future, but let the aggravation only happen after I know the whole story and determine that aggravation is truly warranted. Then, deal with it like an adult, not a petulant child. Sound like a plan?

Better Attitude About Review

It took me much less time to get past what I always see as terrible news with my annual review this year. That's surprising, because I was very disappointed with my final score at first. But then, I realized that getting a score that translates as "exceeded expectations" instead of "greatly exceeded expectations" really isn't so bad, especially when I work at one of the top software companies (and arguably one of the top companies period) in the world.

I've also received bonuses this year that exceed the U.S. poverty line for a family of three beyond my base pay, and a larger family than that if you include stock awards. I also received a raise that exceeded the estimated inflation rate for 2004. What is there in that such that complaining about it makes sense?

My manager's feedback on the review boils down to, "Dude, you are the awesome, but you really should learn to play nicer with others even when they annoy you, heck, even if they deserve it." It would be so cool if he just included that as a synopsis. I'm going to ask him to do so.

That's what I'll work on this coming year. Even if I personally produce less, I'll focus on getting less stressed out and making sure that those around me are more successful. An interesting side effect is that if I'm asked to cancel my plans and work some weekend, I'll be able to say, "No, that will make me very cranky and I don't get along with my peers as well when I'm cranky. I think I need to limit stuff like that."

*Cough, cough*, Dad?

I just got off the phone with my dad. Just after I hung up, I coughed twice. These two events, talking with Dad and coughing, in such time proximity to one another reminds me of how as an adult, I now cough exactly like my dad does. So does my brother, Adam. In fact, I pointed this out to Adam once and he said, "Yeah, I've noticed, too. When I do cough, it's always, *cough, cough*, Dad? Is that you?"

Eerie. I guess we do all become our parents eventually, in so many ways.

Some Random Thoughts

I have a bunch of relatively random, surprisingly serious things buzzing around in my head today, so I'm going to just write them down here. Perhaps I'll be mistaken for a big-name columnist.

People with big goals sometimes do stupid things in pursuit of them. Sometimes it works out for the best in the end, sometimes not. My latest was part of my Seattle City Walk, as I pushed for 20 miles in one day on Walk 4. There have been plenty of others.

Our executive branch of government became much stronger than originally intended around a century ago. More recently, over perhaps the last three decades or so, our judicial branch has become similarly overpowered. It seems our legislators are letting the balance of power get away from them at the expense of the American people. They should fix this while they still have the ability to do so.

Marriages that last a lifetime are much more challenging now that people's lives change so significantly in as little as a few years. The same is true for careers, homes, hobbies, and the like.

Racial segregation today is far more by choice than not. Go to, say, a university cafeteria and take a look the groups of students. Whites will be with whites, blacks with blacks, Asians with Asians, and so on. They aren't required to do so, but they feel more comfortable that way. I also don't think it's external pressure.

I'd rather have a member of today's Republican Party as commander-in-chief, but when it comes to spending, both our major political parties are absolutely out of control. Speaking of which, I'm not sure why the President gets all the blame for governmental overspending, since Congress has a say in the budget, too.

One last thing. I'm hungry.

Alone in the Office

There was a division-wide "all-hands" meeting today. When our whole division gets together like that, it's a big deal. I'm not sure how many people that is, but it involves long lines of huge buses taking people from the main campus to Qwest Stadium, home of the Seahawks, in downtown Seattle.

I didn't go. We've had two other big meetings, one for Server Feedback Systems (about 250 people) and one for Windows Server (about 2200 people), each of which is a subset of the division. Instead, I was in the office getting an incredible amount of work done with few distractions. Only the vendor developers, who don't go to employee events like that, and our internal customers from other divisions were around, the latter only on the phone or email. OK, there were a couple of other full-time employees who skipped out on it, but they seemed to be also enjoying the lack of distractions.

The all-hands was also all-day. It's interesting how the team can set a tight schedule, not knowing that an all-day event will be set by a vice president, but when that schedule is missed, few remember the days lost to that kind of stuff. No matter. I've been to others like this and I think I ended up more satisfied not going this time. Alone in the office is sometimes just what the doctor ordered.

Personal Scorecard

I've started a personal scorecard. I posted it on a personal bCentral Sharepoint site I have so I can get to it from any of the three computers I regularly use, or really any computer with an Internet connection and PowerPoint installed. In it, I will give myself a daily grade, like those you get in school, A to F, on each of the five areas I've decided to set as my initial focus. I'll also retain the accumulated previous week's grade.

I've decided to start with these areas: Diet, Exercise, Microsoft, Heatherstone, and GTD System. The first two are obvious. Microsoft is a representation of how well I'm doing my job at Microsoft. Heatherstone is a catch-all for my progress with my personal, generally financially orient projects. GTD System is how well I use David Allen's Getting Things Done methodology for time and project management.

I've also added to my calendar a recurring "meeting" from 8:55am to 9:00am to update the scorecard. This will push the update into my attention every day as I try to make it habitual. I graded myself for today immediately (rather than tomorrow morning) since I was already in there setting it up at the end of the day. For those that are curious, today I gave myself a "D" average (C, F, B, F, F).

With an average of a D today, I already feel an internal push to do better tomorrow - which is of course the point.

If I Had Time

I've decided to remove "if I had time" from my vocabulary. Instead, I will recognize the reality: I have time, but choose to spend it elsewhere. In accordance with the actor/prop metaphor, "if I had time" is prop language, "I choose to do something else" is actor language.

Because of that, I've dropped out of an activity I was participating in on Monday nights. It just wasn't worth the time.

Learning by Teaching

Next week, while I’m on vacation, I’m going to visit with a long-time Heatherstone client of mine. While I’m there, I’m going to provide some coaching to two of the employees on using David Allen’s Getting Things Done (GTD) methodology.

Of course, I’m personally not nearly as good at GTD as I would like to be. Trevor and I talk about it quite often, and I have slowly, painfully slowly, improved at using the system, but I feel I have a long way to go to be truly effective in this way. My hope, however, is that since I understand the principles, coaching others on the subject will help me learn more about it myself. Teaching another person helps the teacher organize his thoughts and solidify his own thinking on the subject.

When I was a freshman in college, I tutored other students in the math lab in business calculus. I had taken calculus as a junior in high school and done very well, but I think that at the end of the year after tutoring others for several hours every week I knew calculus better than at any other time.

This opportunity to teach others about something I’m still learning therefore seems like a great one I’m excited to have.

Actor or Prop?

At lunch the other day, Adam was talking about something he had heard from someone else whose name I don't recall, but was pretty interesting and I'll repeat despite my lack of attribution.

Some people are naturally actors and will describe an event in terms of what they did, whether good, bad, or indifferent. Others are naturally props and will describe an event (event the same event) in terms of what happened to them outside of their control. Of course, no one is really all one way or all the other, but we generally have tendencies toward one or the other.

For example, a prop might say, "I thought we were friends and then he stole money from me. Trusting people sure can get you kicked in the head." In the same circumstances, an actor might say, "I really blew it that time. I put my trust in the wrong guy and paid the price. I'll need to keep a closer eye in the future, especially when money is involved."

Although this conversation wasn't really directed at me (there were several people at this particular lunch), it got me thinking. How often am I an actor? How often a prop? Am I comfortable with the ratio between the two? In answer to that last one, well, in a word, no. Or at least, not until now. My future will be one of acting rather than being acted upon.

Work vs. Life

Work vs. Life

We talk about work/life balance at Microsoft quite a bit. This blog entry on Fast Company Now mentions how it's a European Union policy as well. I agree with the author that it means work and life are completely separate, a point of view that doesn't sit well with me.

Trying to use the Getting Things Done methodology promoted by David Allen, for example, is severely hampered by too many walls dividing work and life. Projects might be work projects, "life" projects, or span across both. Considering work and life to be two separate worlds also hampers ones ability to be effective in either as it creates a mental barrier to applying lessons learned and best practices from one to the other.

Thackara says in his blog entry that it explains why so many people dislike or hate their work. I think it also explains why so many people, content at work, dislike or hate their lives.

A Good Walk is Good

I've been feeling pretty low since the car accident. I still feel physically pained and there's an emotional element to it as well that's harder to isolate or understand. Tonight, though, I had an urge to just walk somewhere, so I did, and I think that's helped.

I went from my apartment to the Whole Foods and had some dinner there, as they have tables where you can eat the just purchased prepared hot foods. From there I walked to Cheesecake Factory and had some 6 carb cheesecake, which is surprisingly good - which is something I guess I should expect from a company owned by Overtons. Then I walked home, stopping to exchange a movie at Blockbuster and deposit a check at Wells Fargo.

When I got home, I checked the distances on Google maps and found that the total trip was around 3.5 miles. Not a bad bit of walking for an evening, although my hip joints are kind of sore, as they have been for the last five days or so. I think it was only in the last little bit, after the stop at the bank, when I really started feeling a tinge of "up." A little at a time, I guess.

In the Midst of Moving

The last few days, the reality (or perhaps unreality) of moving has set in, and that's had me in a very odd state of mind, one that has not been overly conducive to blogging. Maybe that will change over the next couple days and I'll get back to it with my now more usual consistency.

I took several pieces of furniture to the new apartment today, and it has me feeling somehow... strange. Since I started living in the house alone almost eight months ago, I have occasionally gone into some of the empty rooms for a few minutes and it's kind of funny. I still think of them according to their old occupancy - this one is Elizabeth's room, that one Gregory's, that one Katerina's.

When I switched to only living downstairs (except for my computers in the loft area of the second floor), the bedroom there became mine. Despite that, I still think of it as "Yia-yia's" room, even though it'll only be a few months until it's been longer that it hasn't been her room than how long she lived there, and before that comes to pass, it'll be someone else's, either the twenty-something new owner's or his parents'.

Despite the fact that I've moved more times than I can recall without careful thinking, there's a fair amount of emotion involved in this one, and I'm not sure I can even really say for sure what it is.

Homebuyers are Irrational

I guess I'll never understand. People out buying houses are almost entirely irrational, at least as far as I can tell. Otherwise, why would I need to stage my house with furniture I don't even like? Why would having the lights on when they walk in the house matter? Why would it matter if I left a book I was reading out on the counter or not? Why would I have to hide the dishrack in a cabinet?

I'm not like that, but apparently most people are. So, I'm doing all those crazy things in the hopes my house will someday sell. Fortunately, I don't have to like it, I just have to do it.

Dreaming of Paralysis

I was at home today, feeling under the weather. Since my house is up for sale and there had even been a realtor that called this morning saying she would be by in the early afternoon, I had to be out of bed, though, dressed for visitors. (Nobody showed up, though. Very aggravating under the circumstances.) So despite being out of bed and dressed, I was still really tired. I tried laying on the sofa and reading, but soon fell asleep again.

I had a bizarre dream relating to the real situation, which made it even more bizarre. In part of it, I came down the stairs to where I could see the front door. A very small Indian child was slowly opening the door and coming inside. That's Indian as from India, by the way. I called to the child, telling him to come on in and look around and asking where his parents were. I don't know what really happened after that. It reminded me of those movies when you see an alien slowly coming through the door, first the hand, then the big head with the large, black eyes.

Later, it got even more weird. I was having all this disorientation and paralysis. My arms and legs just wouldn't work. I felt myself trying to get up off the sofa, but then would realize I hadn't actually moved. I got this feeling that there were people in the house wanting to look around who didn't know I was there and might be hesitant to look around upstairs if there was someone sleeping there. I was trying to get up, but couldn't. I saw a guy in a blue shirt slowing coming up the stairs, followed by a woman in a white jacket with blond hair. They were moving so slowly as I tried to struggle to get up and couldn't.

As they noticed me there on the sofa, I realized I just wasn't going to be able to move in time to show I was awake, so I tried to call out. No sound came out, though, and I realized my throat was incredibly dry. I wanted to get some of the water I had sitting next to the sofa (I really did have water) but again, I was thwarted by being unable to move. The visitors apparently decided not to look around after all, and slowly turned and went back downstairs.

A few minutes later, I really did struggle into wakefulness, and I got up and looked around the house. There was no sign anyone had been there, so I figure it really was a dream, but it was sure realistic. Kind of scary, really.